There are malicious lies going on in this blog, some so darnable that they have caused me to break my personal blogging rule. That rule is that I don't blog. Each time I thought about blogging, I would try to compose the great American blog so that people would enjoy reading it. And then I would start to worry that I didn't have any material good enough for people to spend their time reading. Then I would worry that my blogs would be too good and then people would expect more, and demand continued improvements in quality, relevance, and entertainment. These soul-crushing worries have kept me in a passive internet role and never a contributor to this world wide web. Plus blogging sounds like a euphemism for something dirty. Anyway, through her lies, Alecia has caused me to find myself bathed in the soft light of my laptop, fingers gently tapping out the truths that will follow.
Alecia made mention that I shed "man-tears" upon the departure from Abilene. Not true. Unless by tears she means that I asked her to open my Mountain Dew and hand me some jerky as I set our sights towards the East. For as a man, I do not cry, unless of course I find out that we are out of Dew and Jerky, and then the blubbering begins in earnest.
Alecia also told fables of me possibly whining about not wanting to walk all the way to the grocery store and even using the excuses that I walk something like a mile each day. Her belief is that because her father walks three to four times that distance, it really shouldn't be that big of deal for me. First, the only confirmation we have that her father walks that far is from him saying so. I think that he possibly has a Segway stashed somewhere near the house that he uses to scoot around town for awhile and then to the church where he again hides it and then makes his amazing walking claims. Or maybe he is just a walking nut. However, his "walks" take place in lovely Portales, NM whereas mine take place in Washington, DC where I have to battle the strangling humidity, lung crushing smog, fear of death by means of a car or the crazed homeless, and, on the occasions that I forget my umbrella, rain. Add in all the little bonuses I deal with on my route and it easily jumps up to the equivalent of 4 to 5 miles daily. At any rate, this has no impact on whether or not I should be forced to walk to the grocery store (to get Alecia dessert no less) when there is a perfectly good car that looks lonely for my butt.
Finally, Alecia has claimed that she does not have a job. This is untrue as I assigned her several jobs when we moved including getting us a place to live, getting us settled, and finding herself employment. As of this writing, we now live in a stranger's basement, my underwear still in boxes, with Alecia spending her job hunting time trying to figure out if becoming part of street dance crew would come with dental insurance. Perhaps I wasn't very clear when setting up her performance goals...
Just a quick note about my upcoming birthday. I am in a new office and no one there knows that my birthday is next week. This actually makes me very happy as I am so not a fan of all the awkward birthday attention that goes on with the cakes and singing. But mostly, I was telling Alecia my birthday desires (want to go see Batman at movies, want to eat pizza, want a giant cookie for dessert, want comic books and video games for presents) when I had the startling realization that I was only Ninja Turtle plates and cups away from recreating my 8th birthday.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and hopefully now that I have made the necessary corrections to Alecia's accusations and falsehoods, I can retire from writing down my life's details back to only narrating them in my head, complete with soundtrack and special effects.
No comments:
Post a Comment